As we reflect on the importance of Remembrance Day and the role the Canadian military has played in conflicts past and present the Free Press reached out Drayton Valley’s Lane Starling on for his thoughts on his life as an active member of Canada’s Armed Forces.
Fredrickson: How long have you served with the Canadian Military?
Starling: I joined the Military in 2003. I was 17 years old and still in high school. I Joined the Reserves (Part time) as a Field Artilleryman with 20 Field Regiment in Edmonton. I found out later, after he passed, that it was the same Regiment my grandfather Chester Vig served in during the Second World War.
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Fredrickson: What tours have you done?
Starling: In 2006 I fought in Afghanistan on a 155mm Howitzer crew. It was a “busy” 6 month tour. I took part in dismounted patrols through the mountains looking for Taliban, was once ambushed outside Khandahar City, and fought at the First Battle of Panjwai. There was a second local Drayton Valley resident, a good friend of mine, Keith Alexandrovitch who was with the infantry there at the same time.
Then in 2017 I was in Latvia as part of the NATO Enhanced Forward Presence contingent. I was a Joint Terminal Attack Controller that time. Which is a fancy way of saying that I specialized in calling in airstrikes. That was a much calmer tour and it was great to see and work in that area of the world with all the different countries coming together to form one fighting unit.
Recently I made the switch from the Army over to the Air Force and became an officer. Now I work for NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense) at 22 Wing in North Bay, Ontario. Here I am an Air Battle Manager. Basically I’m Air Traffic Control for military operations. We “manage” air battles (dog fights), air-to-air refueling and conduct 9/11 type intercepts of suspicious and hijacked aircraft. We also track Santa.
Fredrickson: Why did you join the military?
Starling: As to why I joined? I can’t really say. It was more of a calling than anything else. From as early as I can remember I never really had a question as to doing something else. I’ve had other jobs, worked at the sawmill, and in the oilfield for a time however nothing really stuck. It wasn’t until I came back from Afghanistan that it solidified for me. I realized it was just what I was meant to do. In 2007 I went over to the Regular Force. Been here ever since.
Fredrickson: What does Remembrance Day mean to you?
Starling: When I was younger, Remembrance day wasn’t really a big deal. It wasn’t, truly. It seemed to me to be a faceless war, where someone would call off a list of names that I had absolutely no connection with. Coming from a small town in rural Alberta, I think we could count on one hand the number of living Vets we had in the community. My Grandfather never talked about the war, at least certainly not with me and I never knew any of the other vets. Everyone else would try to explain why it was important; however it all seemed very hollow and disconnected, far away and impersonal. Obviously that has changed. For me now Remembrance Day is very much a personal thing. For me it’s not about the wars and conflicts we have fought in, it’s about the people that I’ve met and have known along the way and their stories they have shared. The first house my wife and I purchased was from a Korean War vet, our neighbor served in Cyprus and Bosnia. I spent a month in South Korea with several Commonwealth War Vets and walked their old battlefield. Obviously my own stories and people I knew from the Afghan war have an impact, but most importantly it made everything relatable. All the stories, the history. For all the reasons people told me that Remembrance Day was important I now understood. Unfortunately I’m not sure that’s a meaning I can impart on anyone else. For me it was a very personal journey to get to my meaning of Remembrance Day. But if anyone ever wants to have a coffee and hear a story next time they see me around town, don’t hesitate to stop and ask me.
The term empty nester has been around for about 110 years and is used to describe the lonely feeling parents have when their children grow up and leave the house.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the years thinking about what it would be like to be on my own. I have never lived by myself. When I was a single mom, there were definitely moments when it felt that way, but most of my choices were made with my children in mind. I didn’t feel free to just do whatever I wanted.
Having been a parent since I turned 20, I always kind of dreamed about what it would be like once my kids were grown. I would only have to clean up after myself. I didn’t have to listen to YouTubers screaming about video games anymore or listen to Ariana Grande’s voice in Sam and Cat.
No more parent-teacher interviews. No more non-urgent emergencies that I have to drop everything and attend to just in case. No more refereeing and enduring my children’s consequences when their electronics were taken away.
I love my children more than anything else, but I have to say, it honestly sounded fantastic.
Well, that day has come, and I’m afraid all the hobbies that I have developed in preparation for this day might not be enough.
There was a point when my kids were little and my parents lived a flight away, and sometimes they would go stay with my parents for a few weeks. I would be excited to clean their rooms and put everything away. After it was cleaned, I would close the door because it was weird to see the room so clean.
I imagine it’s going to be like that again. I will keep myself occupied, of course. I still have my work, I still have my dogs, and I have friends and family that I will spend time with. It will just be weird to come home and not be able to interact with another person.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m comfortable being by myself, and sometimes I really need it to recover from having my time occupied with social events. It’s my way of recharging my battery.
I also know that people who avoid any socialization have a 30-60 percent higher chance of developing dementia. So as much as spending time with others can exhaust me, it’s a matter of health and well-being.
But let’s be clear.. I’m not only spending time with people so that I don’t have cognitive issues in the future. I really enjoy spending time with the people I love, and I’m often excited to do so. I just need some recovery.
With the kids gone, every day will be my recovery period, and I think I’m going to be spending more time out and about just to get that fix. Getting that human interaction will be very important for me health wise and for my sanity.
I think I’m going to have to change my perspective on the term empty-nester. It’s not necessarily something to dread or be sad about. It’s an opportunity to create a unique, peaceful space that you can rest in after a day of spreading your wings and learning who you are in this next part of your life.
Fredrickson: What challenges/opportunities have you faced during your career?
Starling: A lot of the challenges and the opportunities in my career were the same events. But not solely for me, and not the reasons you might think. My military career isn’t mine alone, it includes my family the entire time. Obviously Afghanistan was a challenge for me but it also left my wife alone as a single parent while I was gone. Our second son was born while I was in Panjwai and when I came home my oldest son (not yet two at the time) took a while to even remember who I was. One of the biggest challenges was the biggest opportunity. Moving away for the first time. It was hard. The Starling family is pretty rooted in Drayton Valley. It’s all my wife and I have ever known, and so to pack up and move to New Brunswick was a big challenge. Since then we have lived in four different provinces and each time my wife has had to restart her career or find a new job. My kids adjust to another new school and new friends. I’ve been gone a lot with work. In the last year, I’ve been gone nine months. My family has more or less become accustomed to me entering and exiting the family routine and picking up as we go. But on the same token, we have a really close knit family because of all that. When we move to someplace new, the first people we know are each other. My kids have lived on the east and west sides of Canada and everywhere in-between. They have seen and appreciated Canadian culture across the whole country. They have been introduced to different ideas and views that are important to different people across the country. We have lived in bilingual communities and my kids can now speak French because of it. Everyone has learned how to meet new people and friends. Whenever we have to move now, we see it as an opportunity instead of a challenge.
The funniest thing is though, no matter where we live in the country, whenever I hit the Thorsby bend on the way back to Drayton to visit, I get the weirdest nostalgic feeling of “I’m home.”
