This is the scariest time of year. And not just because the US midterms are coming up, although, let’s be honest, that doesn’t help.
It’s Halloween! (Almost). This is always a good time to evaluate what’s going on in the world that ought to frighten us.
To simplify things I’ve rated some of the most frightening things I can think of on my patented Scare-O-Meter (™) where 1 is the equivalent of a basketful of puppies in a field of clover, and ten is comparable to driving down the river hill in freezing rain with a logging truck on your tail. Everything else falls between those two extremes.
Winter is coming. I’ve been around long enough to know that winter isn’t actually that scary, you have too by the looks of you. But your wife could hurt her back shovelling snow. The pipes could freeze. The car might not start. There’s plenty of things that could go wrong, so overall this scores a three, which roughly equates to that dream you had when your wife’s family just pulled into the driveway and you can’t find your pants.
Inflation. Now this is a doozy. I can’t be the only one who’s watched in dismay as that little bit of money that’s left over at the end of each pay period gets smaller, and smaller and smaller as the months go by… I suppose it does remove any doubt about when you’ll be able to retire, because the answer is never. Gas was $1.64 when I walked to work this morning. $1.64!!! Back in my day you could feed a family of four for $1.64 and still have enough left over for a bottle of Surprisingly Cheap Pinot Noir.
Inflation is nothing new, but it’s still frightening enough to score a seven. That’s the same as having to make a phone call to a stranger whose name you don’t know how to pronounce.
Constitutional tinkering. Alberta wants more control over immigration. That inevitably leads to an endless conversation over provincial and federal jurisdiction which in turn will inevitably lead to endless accusations and finger pointing until we’re all begging to please make it stop. That kind of thing can be quite entertaining if you’re watching from a safe distance, but rather less so if it’s happening in your own country.
This one gets a rating of 5, which is the equivalent of finding a large spider in the bathtub when your wife isn’t home to deal with it.
Artificial intelligence. I’m not that concerned about AI taking over my job. If a robot can put up with the remorseless drudgery of writing 500 words of wit/wisdom/whimsy every seven days then I’d be happy to step aside. But losing my job is only half of the problem. I mean, we’ve all seen Terminator, haven’t we?
I am in no way qualified to judge how real that threat may be, so this could be anything between a two (spotting another grey hair when you’re already in your sixties and mostly bald anyway) and a nine, which is the equivalent of coming home to find your wife watching a home improvement show on TV and making a list.
So, there’s lots to be scared of. But at least you can always raid the kids’ Halloween candy to keep your spirits up.
