I am grateful that I don’t have to be grateful for something every single day.
Yes, you read that correctly. I don’t have to find something to be thankful for on a day when my car breaks down on the way to work, I find out I forgot to send off that one cheque, and my child tells me at about 8:30 p.m. that they need two dozen home made cupcakes for the next morning.
Gratitude is something we all need to practice more often, but the current trend of journaling about the many things you appreciate each day can be toxic. I mean, honestly, how many times can you be sincerely grateful for that first sip of coffee every morning?
To use a word my dad always used when I was little, people are putting a little too much em-PHAS-is on the wrong thing.
A rote practice of gratitude journaling can lead to something called toxic positivity. This is a condition in which people feel it’s so important to be positive that they ignore their negative emotions and don’t process them.
A good example of this trait is Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter. This is a woman who at first appears to be a kind older woman who loves cats way too much. But as we get to know the character, we see that all of her cheerfulness and positive attitude are a cover up for her anger and racism.
The movie Inside Out also demonstrates this point as we see the character Joy, who also deals with toxic positivity, try to suppress Sadness because she believes Riley should always be happy. The main conflict in the movie is Riley’s struggle with accepting and processing the negative emotions that are a normal part of life.
We even have an idiom for this kind of situation. Someone who is looking at a situation through rose-coloured glasses is indeed seeing all the positives in a situation, but they are also overlooking important details that they don’t want to accept. Sometimes, a car is a lemon, and the salesperson’s fumbling attempts at flirting are just a scheme to get you to let your guard down.
Scientifically, studies have been done showing the benefits of gratitude journals. It can reduce stress, help with sleep, reduce anxiety and depression, and do numerous other things. However, those achievements are only successful when the person genuinely feels the gratitude.
Imagine coming home after a long weekend away to two feet of fresh snow on your driveway and six inches of compacted snow on your front sidewalk. You are tired, cold, and looking forward to getting into your favourite pair of pyjamas, but when you get to your front door, you see a ticket for failing to clear your sidewalks.
The argument for gratitude could be something like, at least I have a sidewalk and driveway to shovel, or this is a great opportunity for me to try out my new snowblower. However, another healthy way to look at the situation is saying, well this sucks, and I’m not happy about this.
Another commonly used idiom is everything in moderation. The same goes for gratitude. Yes, you should be grateful for many of the things in your life, and if you feel like your life is lacking, you should look at what you do have. At the same time, it’s important to acknowledge and feel the negative things.
Go forth, dear reader, and allow yourself to feel the anger. The next time your coworker steals your pop out of the fridge, I encourage you to drop an f-bomb and express yourself. You’ll feel much better.
