The term empty nester has been around for about 110 years and is used to describe the lonely feeling parents have when their children grow up and leave the house.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the years thinking about what it would be like to be on my own. I have never lived by myself. When I was a single mom, there were definitely moments when it felt that way, but most of my choices were made with my children in mind. I didn’t feel free to just do whatever I wanted.
Having been a parent since I turned 20, I always kind of dreamed about what it would be like once my kids were grown. I would only have to clean up after myself. I didn’t have to listen to YouTubers screaming about video games anymore or listen to Ariana Grande’s voice in Sam and Cat.
No more parent-teacher interviews. No more non-urgent emergencies that I have to drop everything and attend to just in case. No more refereeing and enduring my children’s consequences when their electronics were taken away.
I love my children more than anything else, but I have to say, it honestly sounded fantastic.
Well, that day has come, and I’m afraid all the hobbies that I have developed in preparation for this day might not be enough.
There was a point when my kids were little and my parents lived a flight away, and sometimes they would go stay with my parents for a few weeks. I would be excited to clean their rooms and put everything away. After it was cleaned, I would close the door because it was weird to see the room so clean.
I imagine it’s going to be like that again. I will keep myself occupied, of course. I still have my work, I still have my dogs, and I have friends and family that I will spend time with. It will just be weird to come home and not be able to interact with another person.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m comfortable being by myself, and sometimes I really need it to recover from having my time occupied with social events. It’s my way of recharging my battery.
I also know that people who avoid any socialization have a 30-60 percent higher chance of developing dementia. So as much as spending time with others can exhaust me, it’s a matter of health and well-being.
But let’s be clear.. I’m not only spending time with people so that I don’t have cognitive issues in the future. I really enjoy spending time with the people I love, and I’m often excited to do so. I just need some recovery.
With the kids gone, every day will be my recovery period, and I think I’m going to be spending more time out and about just to get that fix. Getting that human interaction will be very important for me health wise and for my sanity.
I think I’m going to have to change my perspective on the term empty-nester. It’s not necessarily something to dread or be sad about. It’s an opportunity to create a unique, peaceful space that you can rest in after a day of spreading your wings and learning who you are in this next part of your life.
